Conflicted.

Blame it on the climate change.
Here's two conversations with my 4 yr old, that happened within 6 hours of each other.

***

CHAT #1  (At home, while we're getting ready to go out.)

Hey Mom, you've got your VBS hat on.
yes, yes I do.

I remember when you worked at VBS.  Really?  Yes, I was so sad when you had to go off to work.  But then when you came into my room, I was so happy and excited, I just wanted to hug you and kiss you and show you what I was doing! (and he proceeds to hug and kiss me repeatedly, with a big smile.)

Wow, buddy.  I'm glad you were happy to see me at VBS.  (pause to silently berate myself for not checking in on him more often.)  So, are you happy that I'm with you all the time now?
OH YES, MAMA!!!  (more hugs and kisses and smiles)



CHAT #2  (In the car, just after I bought 3 lottery tickets.)

You know what I would do if I won the lottery, Mom?  Hmmm, what?
I'd buy a house in Florida and live there forever!  Really?  What would you do? 
Yep, I'd buy a house in Florida and play with my friends everyday, because then I'd be happy again.
(The sound of my heart breaking.)

***

Needless to say, Chat #2 was especially heartbreaking considering we just had a morning out with other lil' big kids, AND a smallish dose of cousin fun.  I *know* this transition north has been harder - on ALL of us - than we thought it would be.  And I *know* that once he gets into a regular routine with buddies, he'll be fine.   But now?  Oh, kiddo.  Mix in a crazy schedule and cold weather and winter colds/germs/sick times...  the forecast doesn't look so promising here.  Good thing we had Chat #1 so my heart isn't completely shattered just yet...