You know that. I know that too, but this morning I somehow thought no one would notice the double boxed cremains of my brother next to an 1800 bottle and hard hat in my carry on luggage. It wasn't a good plan, but I really didn't think I could explain without crying. Thankfully, I came to my senses about 90 seconds before sending our stuff down the line. I caught the attention of a security woman and managed to whisper something about a box, while vaguely waving a certificate toward my suitcase. The delay, of course, caused a bit of attention I was trying to avoid. Awkward start to our travels north, eh?
The whole day was a bit awkward and rough. Instead of celebrating my brother's 50th birthday, I was escorting "him" to Pennsylvania. It's the first time I've been home in about a month, since we first got the news of his car accident. There was a week of whirlwind travels and planning and mourning with others. Then a few weeks where we drifted around Florida visiting friends. So my house feels... awkward. There's a huge pile of mail to attend to, as well as figuring out some Louisiana law, and we need to resume settling in here. But I'm tired and grumpy and sad. So it can all wait until tomorrow.
What I want to share tonight, though, is two conversations with my 4 yr old. He's at that age where he understands some things, but things being permanent is still a bit fluid...
Conversation a few weeks ago:
Kaden: Where are we again?
Me: Louisiana.
Me: Louisiana.
Kaden: Oh, right. Where Uncle Steve lives.
Me: He used to live here, hunny, but he died, remember?
Kaden: Right, he used to live in Louisiana, but now he lives up in heaven.
Me: Well, we don't know where heaven is exactly, but wherever it is, that's where Uncle Steve is.
Kaden: *I know* where heaven is.
Me: really? Where?
Kaden: It's in our hearts.
****
Conversation this morning:
Kaden - Nana, why are you crying? is it because we're leaving?
Nana - Well, a little bit. But mostly because it's Uncle Steve's birthday today.
Kaden - That's right, and he's in heaven. Well, you could always ask God to tell him that you said happy birthday.
Nana - yes, and I am going to let a birthday balloon go up in the sky later on.
Kaden - That's great, Nana, God will reach down and give it to Uncle Steve.
***
He keeps us honest, that boy. Happy Birthday, Uncle Steve. We miss and love you!
2 comments:
Oh Kristi, I am so sorry for the loss of your brother. Hug that little boy tight - he's right about everything.
You're in my prayers. xoxoxo
I love Kaden!! I love how kids bring both tears and comfort to us, and they don't even fully understanding how important what they have to say really is.
I am so sorry you and your family are going through this. I remember you talking about Steve back in the day. He always sounded pretty awesome to me!!
SO many prayers up, my heart goes out to you. And when things settle down (please, Lord, let things settle down!), I'd love to come for a visit or have you all here or meet up in the middle :) Much love to you my friend!!
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