What a day!

Saturday was quite the day in these parts. I was up at the crack of dawn (literally) since a few area churches were partnering together on a women's retreat day. Mom and I arrived at 8am to set up, and found a handful of early bird attendees! Then one of our awesome teen volunteers didn't show up to babysit-- turns out someone had sideswiped her on the drive in! She was okay, thank God, but her pride and joy mustang shelby wasn't. Yikes. It was go-go-go all day-- but totally worth it. If you haven't heard the inspiration music of Sarah Hart, do yourself a favor and check her out. She is down to earth and goofy and easy to relate to... and when she sings, it's honest and just wow. I'd really like to attend one of her days as a regular attendee...

 ... Meanwhile, back at the ranch, the boys were getting ready for our neighbor twins bday party at the park. They got down there about 10 am, and stayed over 3 hours! Kade had lots of stories to tell about the swings, digging in the dirt (?!), the cupcakes and the water balloons...

Then, the fam met up at Applebee's for dinner- it's hard to believe, but Saturday was the 11th anniversary of Dad's death. We try to do something nice that reminds him of us - and that was one of his restaurants. Though, to be fair, in 11 years it's quite possible he'd be mad at them for something and have moved on to another place! ...

Afterwards, continuing the remembering-dad-theme, we were walking around Mom's backyard. There's a H-U-G-E moringa tree that he planted as a wee seedling... we were picking the seed pods, and I was thinking that it'd be nice to plant more trees... when there was a sudden CRACK!!!! and the ENTIRE TREE BRANCH fell on me. I'd very much like to say that I nimbly stepped out of the way, but that is patently untrue. I'd also like to claim that I shouldered the branch in order to protect my young son, but I was told after the fact that HE was quick enough to get out of the way. The truth is, as much as it pains me to admit, I simply screamed and ducked like a coward, and the 4 foot branch whacked me good. Ow.

... Later, we headed home and I jumped on facebook to check for a msg reply when a notice popped up: "Event- EARTH HOUR. Happening - Now." Oh, shoot, I yelled to the family- it's Earth Hour- turn everything off already! We were only 4 minutes behind, but I figured we needed to act quick or we'd drift into missing it. You probably know this, but it is much easier to live without electricity when you properly plan. The first flashlight we grabbed had dead batteries, we couldn't find the second, and the only candles in the house were the tea lights (the hurricane kit apparently was disbanded). Picture me running around the house turning off lights, with Kade following and saying "whatcha doing, mama" and Jim yelling "leave ONE on so I can find these batteries!" It was a very amusing 3 minute drill. ... In the end, we had "practice camping" with a flashlight lantern. I mentioned that I couldn't believe we hadn't taken Kaden camping for real yet, and Jim replied "He's not even three yet. (pause.) So what if he's been to scotland and on a cruise? He's a bit young to do everything!"

another anniversary

Well, here I was, thinking of a blog entry on spring... when the clock hit midnight and now, it's an anniversary. Not just another one, and not really a happy one... it was ten years ago that Dad died. Today, I wonder how it could be a decade? I can remember so many things about his last days... when the date "March 26" comes up, they flood back. This post couldn't begin to hold them all.

Fortunately for us, and even more so for Dad (!), it was a mostly peaceful journey, even a happy one. He had resigned himself to dying. Not like resigning from a job you'd rather keep, but like resigning to refresh yourself before taking on a new, better opportunity. Even when you don't know what that better thing is, exactly.

One day around our last Christmas together, I mentioned something about us going to Arizona for one of his life dreams. He said, "No, I'm not going to see the Grand Canyon." I started that talk, the one most family-members-of-a-cancer-patient start: Don't talk that way. Be positive. If we... maybe.. He interuppted me. "No, Kristi, it's okay. I'm okay with it. I had my talk with Jesus, and we're good. I'm ready."

He was. He might've been the only one in the family truly ready. I know I was taken by suprise a few months later. Our spring break visit didn't include the beach and a wedding, but hospitals and hospice. He spent the last few weeks at home, acting more and more like a little kid. In the joyful, carefree way of a child who only wants to be surrounded by people who love him. Just to... love. To... be.

Every morning, he'd ask Mom where each family member was: Steve. Mark, Theresa. Kristi, Jim. He couldn't nap until he knew where each of us was, what we were doing. He included friends who were like family, asking to see them.

~~~

These days, Kaden reminds has a similar routine: Nana? Daddy? Mama? Nick? Lexi?

I wonder, of course, what my dad would be like as his grandpa. I know he would love him, as surely and quietly as he loved the Dodson boys. But what about the specifics? Would he want to be called Grandpa? or Pop? Would he be hands off, or down on the floor? How would he talk to him about football? let him take part in gardening? learn woodworking in the garage?

Ten years later, I still wonder. When things are new, or "especially special", I think of him. I wonder, and remember. And today, I'll tell Kaden stories over pancakes that spell out c.a.r.l... maybe drive down to swing through the Arby's near the airport... and if we're lucky, visit the island lighthouse where we thought we said our last goodbye.

"Saints of God, come to his aid! Come to meet him, angels of the Lord!

May Christ call you to himself... Grant him eternal rest, O Lord,

and may your light shine on him forever."