***
I keep thinking we moved a month ago. It depends on how you count it. Jim moved to PA 8 months ago. Kade and I moved 5 months ago. After a few weeks, we took a month back in Florida... and moved to a different PA place about 3 months ago. Then my mom sold her house, a bit more quickly than any of us thought (!), and so Kaden and I were back in Florida. That last visit was like a stealth work trip instead of a proper visit. We came back, and mom moved in with us, about 2-3 weeks ago. So maybe I just moved, and should cut myself some slack for not being unpacked - let alone decorated for Christmas. OR, maybe I've dragged out this moving thing over too many months, and what's wrong with me for goodness sake?
People keep asking how it's going. Mostly I talk about how cold I am. Because it's true. It's also easier to explain than the emotional roller coaster. Some days, life is a grand adventure and aren't I having fun starting over? Other days, meh. I don't think it's a coincidence that the first type of days occur over 50 degrees.
Today I was at a grocery store, and I thought I saw someone I knew. From church. In Florida. This happens quite a bit, the not-quite-deja-vue. Today I realized that it felt like I was a time traveller, like Clare Fraser in the Outlander series. Things are (almost) familiar. I remember what ____ is like, about 30 seconds after it happens (like getting a charley horse because my leg muscles tense when they're cold). And as I drove home, looking at the mountains and foggy farmland, I thought: gosh, this feels like Scotland. So maybe if I look at this stage as a type of Scottish missionary thing, it'll be easier to accept the homesickness, and cold, and confusion about what exactly I'm doing here.
I mean, I know why we're here: Jim got a great job and we wanted some time near his family. Both of those are going great. But what is my place is all this? What am I being called to? I miss work a bit, but that feeling has faded quite a lot. I get the sense that I'm NOT supposed to "do" anything just yet... instead make space for the family... and clear my head and heart. If you know me at all, you know how incredibly difficult this is for me.
But it's amazing the way things are coming together. For Christmas, a relative-in-law suggested the cousins each pick a name, so we only needed to exchange one gift instead of twenty (the parents of 7 have a few more to buy!). My side of the family is fairly small, and we've never gone overboard. And since we don't know many people, there's not a lot of the "acquaintance" gift giving. We're not working at the church, so there's not the advent craziness. (We actually went to a church show- showed up a few minutes late, and left when it was over- amazing). All this means that there's been space in our calendar... not that we're ready for Christmas yet :)
Then there's the living space. An apartment complex seemed the best way to ease into learning the area. Now that we're all here, it means we have the remnants of a 2 bedroom condo and a 3 bedroom house in a 3 bedroom apartment. All of us thought we simplified... but now we're really learning what that means. And learning what "stuff" we own that we really love. What's worth the space of keeping. It's a bit forced at times, and temporary as we'd like to move to a house next year. But what a valuable lesson for now!
So things are happening, and whilst I may not be overly happy in any given moment, I do have an underlying sense of peace... and moments of joy. We're definitely still in transition, but I'm learning to be okay with that. To accept that I'll miss the sun and the swamp. To let go of artificial deadlines, or standards other people have set. I'm learning - slowly - to give myself the space to hear God's whisper and to embrace all things new... or different... or even cold.
*** I went to add photos, and realized that I haven't taken any since a few weeks ago in Florida. If that's not a clear sign of my hibernation, I don't know what is! I'll have to work on that.
